I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
