I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
