If that was your dad, he is hot
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
