sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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