and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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