I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
