Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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