am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
