i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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