how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
