it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
