My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
