I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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