Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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