Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you never un-have a 4some
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
