went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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