Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I still have a little drunk in my system
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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