That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
