Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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