there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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