My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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