ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
