Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
