On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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