Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
