Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
