We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
