So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
