I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
