Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
