i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
