I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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