What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
