Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just cropdusted the office
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
