It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
