the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
