Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
