I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
