He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
