I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
