to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
