I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
