drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
