I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
