I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
