I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
