I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
