bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
