i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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