she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
