just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
